It's that time of the night again where my mind starts its usual torment. I feel like my brain absorbs things in the day to a certain capacity and leaves the rest for relentless worrying and overthinking.
Have you ever had a friend who, when something earth-shattering(at least at that point, and to you) happened you'd ring up to talk with the knowledge he/she'd know exactly what to say, would understand you without giving non-committal answers, made you feel like you weren't being judged for overreacting if you so happened to be? That voice on the other end somehow was capable of inducing some kind of odd calmness in your overly-anxious heart, and before you knew it, hours had passed and you hadn't the faintest idea how time could've flown so quickly. I've never been one to savour long phonecalls, namely because of my perpetual fear of awkward silences and starting your goodbye at the exact same time the other person is starting to tell you about so and so. So I shunned away from phonecalls, sometimes fabricating little white lies and what not just to escape. But then with someone I was able to free my mind from those worries and really just lose myself in conversation, and it was really great.
But now, I'm convinced time has a detrimental effect on almost everything I love. Draws people apart, sews sudden feelings of contempt, discord, hostility. As it heals your hurt it eats away at your capacity to love. Hate how as time passes I start to feel further and further away from someone I love, and there's no getting back what used to be. There's not even hope or faith to ease my uncertainties that things will get better.
Friendships, relationships, they're all the same. Still involves sharing a huge chunk of your life with a person, who is capable of the audacity to leave you (wordlessly even) if he/she so chooses to. Been there more than once so I already know what it does to an insecure, hypersensitive and sentimental person like me.
Please not again.
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