Friday, August 15, 2014

we don't speak in the same tongue

He is so gentle, sometimes I wonder if
he keeps his resolve within clenched
fists he doesn't own
they knock against his teeth sometimes,
how dare he

when the only time I'd go that far is when his jaw points the way
to another all consuming kiss.

I drop hints around his potty mouth,
the feral way I know how, with nicks and tiny licks I show him
possession without manipulation,
oh, the only time I will pin him down is so
every
part
of our bodies can lie in perfect alignment
while your pen is ready to stab him in the flesh,
mine is ready to paint him in the light of day
because,
metaphors jump across the page to coat him in layers of Gold Ochre,
Terre Verte,
Scarlet Lake is the colour of his ears when he laughs at his own bad jokes
But you,
you only know rage the darkest shade of carmine,
call me belligerent but I'm not the one battling my pride

one day I hope you'll find the time
to pull apart your pre-
conceived notions and stubborn skin
the one you wear like chain-mail and brigandine
until then, this is one war I cannot win.








Friday, August 1, 2014

I walk and you are with me

That day in particular 
I remember it was unbelievably hot
I almost swatted a fly against my ear
And my skin was the kind of dry every scratch marred me with chalk white lines on my calves
I was thinking about the wet centre of your mouth 
And that my favourite kind of poetry centered on a reckless coming undone where the only shred of control was the hesitation before the searing rip of buttons
I kicked a can and it rolled with an almost sensual tinkling as it hit a lamppost a tock
Tick, tick, tick,
Plastic buttons fall
to the floor rolling off in different directions 
You, on the other hand,
The perfect epitome of purposeful you sank the only southern way you know how to
And I grip the table's edge
Knuckles white
Lights dancing in my vision even whiter 
Oh, how this body only knows rhythm when it is fed to me through your lips
How the only time I am moved is when you wreak havoc on my nervous system
There are whole nations in your chest cavity 
Where I am stumbling blind quite honestly 

what the young teaches the younger

Who are we kidding
when we place a bottle to our lips and
try to call it a marriage of some sort
the last thing I remember
a straw between my teeth then
your ear in its place
fast forward to me counting the steps to your door
1, 2, 3.. 6.. 14..25
I was barely 13 before I was taught love was a call to arms,
not a veritable verb
you told me it was good enough
holding it in my palm
and really I should've known
when every attempt at romance was nothing above a whisper
how I was your best kept secret at 15


at 19, I still unravel under the influence
my cup is empty from the nights I gave you so much it
tumbled
into the morning after but all that was left to grab at was
your hair on my pillow,
you were spontaneous like that, weren't you?
and I,
hey, why won't you just lighten up?
You fancied flight and I only wanted the pebbles
crushed beneath my plimsolls
telling me all I ever needed to know,
that
the smallest only get stifled more
and before I knew it
I was a crushed up beer can,
insides still wet god damn it
coursing real liquid in real time
just
so
I could live to love you
and you tell me, sobriety hurts
like I'm only beautiful when I'm a blur
oh sweetheart,
if only you knew how pretty your eyes were
before they rolled to the back of your head,
and sweetheart,
I hope you make it home tonight.

and that home,
is you retching on the floor,
on your knees because that's where you liked me best.





Thursday, July 10, 2014

2 thoughts to keep me by his side

1. Patience. Everything is a test, a waiting game. When he places a tentative hand on my thigh, his thumb circles slower than the slowest clock that ticks when we are together, waiting out. When all my goosebumps rise
in added friction, like open mouths surfacing for air under the influence of chlorine induced stupors, 
when, 
the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention, like soldiers in neat rows, awaiting nightfall and cursing the dawn..

It is only a question of time before he consumes me at this unearthly hour 
he
is predatory but he does not know it, I am a helpless fawn in his clutches, but I love it none the less.

2. There is a darker place than being in a shellscrape, somewhere filthier than a latrine. I must always remember he who lights paper lanterns along the trenches of my heart, setting himself ablaze when they are fanned to forest fires. 
He,
who hacks at the dense foliage surrounding my stubborn vessel, thick from years of love without warmth other than from a throbbing muscle in hand.
With a jackknife of genteel grunts and tender ministrations, leaves, they fall at his feet, like the articles of clothing that get caught in our toes. 
Leaves, they fall to signify change, but now also to testify to how some things will never. 
I must remember how colliding into him, his desire a matador crashing against the surface of my sternum, birthed enough light to phase out this temporary darkness. 
I must remember the badge he wears proud, he pins it right above his heart, 
I'll always be waiting, embroidered and emboldened.


Friday, June 13, 2014

no, I don't like to share

I don't know what I'd do with this blog if you ever leave
I just picked up the smell of your inclination on my bolster and
Before I know it I'll taste you in my sleep
God, I'm tired, I'm so worn out from a rest without escapism
I need a life with lucidity
Please, not a love with certain vacancies
I need more permanence than dime sized bruises on my hipbones
We grow entirely new cells in 7 years and hell,
I just read somewhere you'll have new lungs in 6 weeks,
New tastebuds in 10 days,

Fuck, when I have you all to myself at last are you even you anymore?

Are you even mine anymore?

So, leave the guarding to the dogs and the loving to the lost,
he's mine.





Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Tell me you don't, tell me you do

Love me not because it's convenient
Love me not because you think it will save you 
Love me not because you value presence above companionship
Worse still, contact above conversation
Love me because every time we kiss
I am paying disservice to your teeth
Obsessed with your lip between mine
Love me not because I fit in the coffin you bought her
Sometimes I taste splinters on my tongue from the hole she tore through with her fist
Love me not because I'm good with words
For I can only write free-verse
Love me because I can but I can't stop stuttering when I try to tell you 
How I get dizzy when your breath tunnels through my ear like incense into my nose
Love me because I was a lifeless drone until you walked into my life, 
Your pulse my metronome 
Love me not because I fit in your hands 
Love me because I don't
I never will

Love me because you've never loved the feeling of something slipping between your fingers, ever, until now.




Sunday, May 25, 2014

The cracks in his palm give me just enough room to slip into them
Waist deep
Sandwiched between hot flesh 
And oxygenated blood
From all the breaths he stole from my lungs
We love with open mouths and open limbs
What we do is more than just a fist slamming against a palm
It is not dirt I gather under my fingernails
But the primal way we learnt to stake our claim 
I am digging into muscle
You are drilling into bone
You and I, we're cars speeding towards each other
And you kiss me as we collide