not so rude awakening

I've mentioned before, I consider myself to be an extremely happy person. But lately, I've been wallowing in some absurd combination of self-pity and cynicism, and it is ridiculous I tell you.

After a considerable amount of time spent indulging in such dreadful emotions, I had a mini epiphany and I realized how immensely pathetic and senseless I have been. I am now sitting at Han's, writing this while cursing myself for having forgotten to mention to the very polite and patient waitress(who waited smilingly as I reached for my money being very careful not to botch my freshly manicured nails) to not put any milk or sugar in my cup of hot tea. There goes my "clean" eating.

Oh, everybody I've ever wanted around has left. That's what they all do, they form some unmistakable connection with you, flirt with you and they're gone. What's wrong with me, what am I doing wrong?

If I get a little prettier, can I be your baby?

(I am no longer at Han's because I had to have dinner with Mum and blogging had to wait, half of my post wasn't saved btw and I had to wrack my brain to recall all I had typed in my burst of literary inspiration just now) 

Christ, at least I'm over that phase. Honestly, all that unhappiness manifests all over your face, it's in the furrow in your brow, the shadows under your eyes, the blasted little spots mushrooming all over. I'm usually good at hiding my emotions(come to think of it, not really) but the underlying sadness will still show subconsciously. Just like my gut. I have this thing where I suck it in 24/7 but I guess that's a lie because I've caught my reflection one too many times with my belly hanging out in its full, unabashed glory. Which is why I've decided to take on the Blogilates.com 90 day challenge that involves eating clean and hardcore pilates on a recommended daily basis.

In other words, I have just signed myself up for pure, unadulterated, merciless torture. Yay.

Now that physical wellbeing is works in progress, I guess finally should work on my emotional health. No more rolling around in self-loathing filth, crying over things and people that will not change and have changed. They've decided I'm not worth their effort or time so they're not worth mine.

Bye bye misanthropy, hello new me.