Sloth

You trembled like you’d seen a ghost,
and I gave in
“I lack the things you need the most”, you said
Where have you been?
You wasted all that sweetness
to run and hide
I wonder why?
I remind you of the days you poured your heart into
But you never tried
I’ve fallen from grace,
took a blow to my face
I’ve loved, and I’ve lost
I’ve loved, and I’ve lost

You left my soul bleeding in the dark,
So you could be king
The words you said are still untold to me,
and I’ve lost my faith in everything
The nights you could cope,
your intentions were gold

I pray that you’ll find peace of mind
And I’ll find you another time

My favourite verses off Explosions off Ellie Goulding's new album, Halcyon.

Love that woman, her voice is amazing. Find myself liking her slower stuff though, and I guess I'm just at that point again where I find relevance in every single song I hear to the current state of my life. This is one extremely relevant example.

As I lie on my stomach typing all this stuff nobody ever reads, hearing Kele Okereke go whoo hoo ooh whoo hoo ooh whoo hoo.. I am reminded of the past couple of days spent in this exact position, feeling guilty as hell about not working out but still not guilty enough to move my ass. So today would be the 14th consecutive day of running/gymming had I not broken my streak on Saturday and yesterday, but I definitely make up for those days in the form of pure, unadulterated torture for these legs o' mine. And by torture I mean running 7km and 'cycling' another 8. BUT still, I see no results.

I know, I know, it's the process, they say, it takes time, they also say. But I find it ridiculously demoralizing to keep this up without at least some kind of change to motivate my legs to keep moving, the bloody fats to keep burning.. Ugh. 

However, I do feel slightly better about myself, I mean, how can I not when even the slightest gesture has me wincing, and omg I waddle. Okay, not going to complain.

I've been spending way too much money until I've given up keeping track, on one too many 'post-promos celebratory' dinners and.. I forgot. But basically I need a job. Badly. And the first condition would be a boss that does not insult my intelligence every 5 minutes and does not call me little girl with such disdain. Little girl. Seriously? Thinking about all the free time I've got getting swallowed up isn't very appealing though. 

It's Halloween soon and some of us from HOTH are going for Halloween Horrors at USS. Pretty psyched for that and yes, another outlet for some massive cash blowing. Gonna dress up as a Geisha, and of course, gorify myself. It's gonna be an awesome night, here's to sleepless nights and the fastest showers I can afford after. 

Some songs that have been on constant loop as of late.