(F)(a)n(t)a(s)ies

My sentence is over. I'm free, for the moment.

Today marks the end of MSA2, the SAJC version of your ordinary CAs I guess. The second half of my day made up for it's horrible start and Claudz and I saw through some really hilarious and retarded moments today. I could really forget about all the resentment and sadness and hurt that has manifested over the past few weeks and just lose myself in good company and fun.

We headed to The Factory, which is The Garden Slug's manager's new project and it was pretty damn satisfying. Although dishing up nothing more than fries, ice cream and waffles in terms of food, the meal left me slumped in my seat in the kind of bliss only a good meal is capable of inducing.

Decided not to let adventure and ambition get the best of us so we ordered the regular serving of mixed shoestring and thick-cut fries, with the dip the friendly server suggested; spicy melted tomato w/ chinchalok dip. It was honestly just alright, appreciated the spice that really whet my appetite. Though I must say that wasn't necessary considering I was ready to devour a farm after starving myself the whole day. Whilst savouring our fries we were interrupted by the arrival of our gigantic belgian waffle. It was beautiful. Warm, soft and chewy waffles with nutella, bittersweet Belgian chocolate ice cream and caramel macadamia ice cream.

Momentarily transported to heaven and back. Fries abandoned, we dug in to the perforated darling with the zeal only belonging to true waffle-lovers. Not your usual kind of light, crispy waffle though, pretty unique tasting.

Went back to our fries after (sadly) finishing the waffles. Decided to order an additional dip; marmite honey aioli. Like it a lot better than the tomato one, never tasted anything like it before. Yummmmmm. Friendly staff and good food will definitely make me a regular, plan to try the blue cheese and smoked cheddar dip as well as the truffle fries with shaved parmigiano.

Ditching our initial studying plans, we then adjourned to Claudz's house for a round of Kinect. Left us huffing and puffing, and at times, keeled over in fits of silent laughter. Went home at 10+ after.

Couldn't ask for a better night, love that girl to bits.

Still, still high from my post-Metric concert buzz. Whenever I think about Emily telling us to do what we love no matter what people say to bring you down I feel like crying lol.

For now, the bed is calling, and I must go

Very much alive

I have tons of food posts I want to put up but blogger isn't uploading my pictures so I'm forced to delay all my posts. Then the whole concept of blogging is pretty much destroyed considering I am trying to recollect things I wanted to talk about rather than my exact thoughts in detail. For now, low res phone pictures shall have to suffice.

Been sitting at Rocky Master wasting my entire Sunday afternoon with my weekend lover, Chemistry. Decided to sit outside for fresh air but turned out to only render me helpless against secondhand smoke, and my lazy ass would do nothing to change that lol.

Think I'll make this place a regular for weekends because NLB is filled with ghost muggers who leave their junk all over the tables and disappear. Pfft.

Attended a wedding in the early afternoon at Grand Shanghai, absolutely loved the whole chinois theme and food was amazing. Think crispy eel, duck and xiao long bao; served individually so you didn't have to fight for the best part of the fish or worry about unequal distributions. Once again weddings never fail to leave me somewhat emotional and thinking about my big day. Well, not in at least 8 years time anyway.

Hopefully ruthless exams will allow me the time to blog more about the places I've been to recently, Confused Cooks and Hokkaido restaurant at M Hotel among others.

Recovery

A massive food post is upcoming. Been drifting in and out of my self-induced memory fog. But, I can already feel myself slowly healing; moving on.

:)

-

A change of heart

This is for my friend/lover that I've known for 6 years and counting.

I guess we're just back to friends for now, I know that has connotations that there might be a time that changes once again, but I'm in no position to make you stay. Firstly, I would be shortchanging myself. And I would be wasting both your time and mine. I'm glad that for the first time in my life I'm able to have a clean breakup, in the sense that we're still able to be there for each other amidst all the pain we are both feeling. I know you are hurting too. Being the initiator doesn't make you the bad guy, and it doesn't make it hurt any less. I understand where you're coming from, although I struggled to at first, and I know you're not one to make excuses to put yourself in a better light. I understand that you won't know, expect, when you stop loving somebody. It's just a phenomenon that comes with time, most relationships end that way anyway. Just the matter of who feels it first and who takes the initiative to act on it first. I thank you for doing it, and I respect you. Unlike you, I'd never have the guts to take the step and end it. To some people, I'm just buying the typical break-up bullshit, it's not you it's me, whatever. But, please tell me i'm right in thinking we're not like that. That you truly want out because it's not fair to me, to continue loving somebody without the capacity, the desire, to love me back with a similar intensity. I want to call you out this evening and just talk about how we can make this work, to convince you that it doesn't have to end. I'm not afraid of appearing pathetic because I know you won't ever judge me nor derive any sense of satisfaction from it, but that's not what's stopping me. I want you to come back to me, if you do at all, because your heart, mind, tells you to. I am to be no catalyst. I still see you as possibly, the one for me, and if for the third time we somehow find our way back to each other I can safely say I will fight for you and never let you go. But as for now, I will wait.

I'm sorry for the things I said earlier, you may have taken the same approach in breaking up with me but other than that you are so different from the others. The entire time you were the most patient person I've ever encountered, always giving in to me with little regard for your ego. Don't doubt your ability to love another person after this. I have total confidence you can make any girl happy just by being yourself. Thank you for teaching me how to be a more loving, kinder and honest person. To be more generous and forgiving of the small stuff. Surely I will learn from this, to not conform to another's ideals. You've impacted me in so many ways.

I may no longer be that special person anymore, nor have first dibs on your couch, but I'll still be here for you to confide in, like I know I can count on you to, like how I've been for the last 6 years.

To the greatest love of my life thus far, my confidante and one of my most precious friends, until next time.

Perplexity

This is my jam

So apt for this time of my life 

Past all the signs of a slow decline, 

you live like your love wasn't meant for mine

Been entertaining thoughts about secondary school life, friendships and religion. Also, finding myself trapped in an endless cycle of laziness, procrastination and the sheer inability to do the things I'm supposed to do. Okay rather, the inability to have the urgency to do the things I'm supposed to do. I feel unhappy with school life, and so I convince myself that it's okay to only want to get my A level cert and leave this place quick. If there's one thing I'm thankful for, it'll be the new friends I've made in SA. The only reason I feel a twinge of guilt towards my previous biting statement. And they are also the only reason I even find the will to continue.

Been spending these couple of days catching up with Claudz and De, two people who really and wholly embrace me for everything I am, all the stupid/retarded things I say/do/have done; they don't ever judge me or give me blank 'okay....' looks which I detest. De has been my best friend since I was 13 and overweight(still battling it) with frizzy wavy hair and bad fashion sense. The happiest years of my life mostly have her in it, and despite her busy poly life and me just barely getting by in jc, I'm glad most things haven't changed between us. I love her to death and I have total confidence this isn't a friendship with an expiry date shortly after secondary school.

Claudz. Started to acknowledge her existence only in Sec 3 despite being from the same primary school and all but I can't believe she was never on my radar considering we are totally the same in so many ways. Since she's moved to Kovan from her house in JB I see her so much more often and that helps inject some humour in my life, also because her sheer greed and shamelessness always lead her to my doorstep to claim freshly baked goodies by Chef Tan. So glad I have her and despite me insulting her every 10 seconds, you always hurt the ones you love right?

Came to know they're also going through the same shit as me, finding it increasingly hard to adapt and after 6 months still not able to feel accepted/happy in school.

Initially, I wanted to throw myself in a totally new environment, to leave behind SJC and everyone and just make new friends and immerse myself in new culture. But right now I want to go back so bad. It doesn't feel like home in SA. I'd do anything to have my friends with me again. Pretty pathetic sounding and all, but it's all that's been plaguing my thoughts recently.

On the brink of losing hope that I'd ever find somebody to love with the generosity to accept me for who I am, afterall it's not like anyone has. Even if they did, after awhile they start to find things about me to pick on and before you know it I'm conforming to their ideals, so as to continue contending in this very screwed up gameshow we call teenage love. It's so stupid but I, obviously, still continue to be an utter sucker for it.

I want to take a break from everything but time and commitments simply do not allow me the privilege. Forced to endure and keep the faith. Three little words I used to preach but now, barely reflect my actions.

Keep the faith, okay.

Calorific

 Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great.  ~Henry IV of France

                               

1 1/2 hours of touch rugby + fitness training went to waste after my pig-out, which cannot be denied with the photographic evidence provided above. Also, I am rather unimpressed by the tau huey all my friends have been raving about for the longest time. I was so sure the placebo effect would come into play but I found myself struggling to finish the tub of pudding I had grown tired of by the 6th spoonful. I think the one at Orchard Plaza or something that Glene delivered to me the other time was better. But still not too bad I guess, but not worth the hype.

These pictures were taken at 7th Storey Steamboat at Marina Barrage, mainly good for their chicken rice and other Hainanese-style dishes like Hainanese Pork Chop, which we gave a miss today. 

Need to do something about my merciless eating. I have to start turning down dinner dates already :(

Sucks to battle low self esteem as well as my insatiable appetite simultaneously.

Going to finally have an early night although I have too many things left undone.