thrill-seeker, cake eater

My last 4 days have been in a tremendously dark place. My brain felt like it was being pushed through a sieve and my stomach, wrung like a starving boy's desperate attempt to summon the rivulets of water into his mouth from a barely damp cloth. It was the very feeling of having the luxury of rest given to you but knowing you should not, and cannot bear to welcome it. And maybe that was the only thing standing in my road to recovery. I don't quite know how I managed to sleep 4 days away completely. But during the in between moments where I am conscious(and when I am not being smothered by love thanks hun) I have successfully managed to cultivate the most vile hatred for medication and circumstance and came to the knowledge that the harmony of the two could have me on my knees quite literally. Antibiotics had me nauseated every minute of the day with a bitter taste in my mouth because of some problem with bile ducts and what not, sleep barely refuge from my suffering with the countless nightmares and voices. I also made a mental note to never cry lying on your back because having tears dripping into your ears is the oddest sensation. It seemed all that was functioning were my tear ducts, pain receptors and mind playing strings for the devil, and the two were hand in hand, coat and tie, mocking my physical system of a stumbling. I'm happy to actually be head bobbing along to Blank Maps now and not want to toss my cookies and I'm finally starting on my stockpile of homework.

Fingers crossed I survive the next week of mock papers, bless my soul Jesus.