dear me,
it’s okay to be sad sometimes. it’s important to remember that everybody has the same feelings that you do at times. nobody ever told you that you would be sad, did they? my father in his last days told me of his body stinging like nettles and his bones ringing like church bells whenever he moved. his sadness reached so far he died at his own will, swallowed in the sea and hung at half mast like a flag.
you study anatomy in hopes of learning to love your body. you’ve learned about the strength of your heart; a fist sized muscle, the order of your skin cells, the compassion and selflessness of macrophages; killing thousands of themselves daily just to keep your body clean, the length of your veins, the durability of your femur; the strongest bone in your body. your blood is connective tissue. you are so important.
you study anatomy in hopes of understanding why humans have syntax and how a pile of cells can become a person you love. you should love your heart for beating 72 times a minute. you should love your lungs for supplying air to your blood. bones make marrow, and marrow makes red blood cells. you should love your muscles for helping you move. fall in love with your blood, with your body. move away if you have to.
you will learn to love all of this eventually, even if you look in the mirror some mornings and don’t know who you see staring back at you.
fall in love with the strengths and limitations of yourself, and everything else will work itself out later.
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