If I were to think of a future for us 

I'd think until it hurts my head

Enough to make me want to bury

The pain and a kiss someplace

Colder than the

windowpane that hid

Our limbs in a tight lattice

But never hotter than 

The fever pitch of your hot,

hot breath blowing across 

my sternum

Bones may splinter but

Hearts can only hope to throb

For more than the preservation

Of life without love 

I remember when your name was just another name that rolled without thought off my tongue. Now, I can’t look at your name without an abundance of sentiment attached to each lettter. Your name, which I played with so carelessly, so easily, has somehow become sacred to my lips. A name I won’t throw around lightheartedly or repeat without deep thought. And if ever I speak of you, I use the English language to describe who you were to me. You are nameless, because those letters grouped together in that familiar form….. carries too much meaning for my capricious heart.

Coco J. Ginger 

1:17

I can't sleep tonight because I feel somewhat buoyant.

I watched white aprons with tiny smatterings of red being flung around and amidst the comedic humour and titillating spreads all I could think about was you. I feel like I'm hovering in a state, just out of your reach, balls of my feet barely scraping the floor.

Unsettled.

I've learnt from the past. I know how conversations past the stroke of midnight only pave way for issues your daylight mind could never think of. And then there's me; impulsive, emotional, boasting expertise in verbal hemorrhage. I think I am one step ahead, taking the initiative, doing us both a favour.

I leave, but all I want to do is run into your arms and hopefully the impact will be enough to rattle some sense into our skulls. Perhaps even mar them enough for pain receptors to hardwire in them the hurt associated with such arguments, and never repeat.

I talk to you here because I can't talk to you. Fate likes to kick back and have a good laugh some nights too. So for now I just wish my mind would blank out long enough for sleep to take over so in seconds my conscious state would be wedded again to yours.

IV

;you're all I need
don't you see me
i think I'm falling,
i'm falling for you
don't you need me
i think i'm falling
i'm falling for you
on this night
and in this light
i think i'm falling for you
maybe you'll change your mind
i think i'm falling

i'm caught on your coat again
you say, oh no it's fine
i read between the lines and
touched your leg again
i'll take it one day at a time
soon you will be mine
but oh i want you now
when the smoke is in your eyes
you look so alive
do you fancy sitting down with me?
maybe cause you're all i need
according to your heart
my place is not deliberate
feeling of your arms

i don't wanna be your friend
i wanna kiss your neck

One of my favourite songs, ever.

Singed

I don't know if this poses a problem. That whenever I'm not with you I find myself some sort of incomplete. I itch and fidget and yearn for something I can't seem to pinpoint. Like the unexplainable twitch of the eyelid oweing to luck or an omen of some sort. And then there's the ache in my loins and the familiar echo of a laugh or a soft whimper or a whispered declaration of affection. The occasional grazed inner lip, and I know it is you. 

It is always you.

I crave you as soon as we are apart and it's a hunger I cannot fix until I am with you again. And even then my gums tingle and itch for more. I need to have you fill the tiniest gaps between my teeth and the hairs on my forearms and spaces between nail and bed. Even then I may still need you to permeate my every cell, alive or dead, I want to breathe you.

Disproportionating love

dear me,

it’s okay to be sad sometimes. it’s important to remember that everybody has the same feelings that you do at times. nobody ever told you that you would be sad, did they? my father in his last days told me of his body stinging like nettles and his bones ringing like church bells whenever he moved. his sadness reached so far he died at his own will, swallowed in the sea and hung at half mast like a flag.

you study anatomy in hopes of learning to love your body. you’ve learned about the strength of your heart; a fist sized muscle, the order of your skin cells, the compassion and selflessness of macrophages; killing thousands of themselves daily just to keep your body clean, the length of your veins, the durability of your femur; the strongest bone in your body. your blood is connective tissue. you are so important.

you study anatomy in hopes of understanding why humans have syntax and how a pile of cells can become a person you love. you should love your heart for beating 72 times a minute. you should love your lungs for supplying air to your blood. bones make marrow, and marrow makes red blood cells. you should love your muscles for helping you move. fall in love with your blood, with your body. move away if you have to.

you will learn to love all of this eventually, even if you look in the mirror some mornings and don’t know who you see staring back at you.

fall in love with the strengths and limitations of yourself, and everything else will work itself out later.

likeawritingdesk.tumblr.com

Brazen night

"Because all I can think about when I'm fully conscious or half awake is you. You occupy my thoughts everyday.  You govern my mind and I like that. It's not a democratic choice as I can't stop thinking about you. But yet why would I want to stop. You're so beautiful in so many ways, your words, your smile, your body, your taste, your personality. Everything. I love you unconditionally, the only term and condition I have though is for you to love me back."

And I do.

I do.

I do.

I do.